My Immortal: Commentary
by RavensDieAlone
Summary: The infamous My Immortal with my commentary Rated T because poor children would have nightmares!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello people of Fan Fiction! I bring you my Commentary on My Immortal. Enjoy! (By the way all of mine are in bold just in case you guys couldn't figure that out. Not that I mean that in a mean way.)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)

**Really? I had no idea Ebony was black -_- **

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

**So your eyes are clear? How is that possible? **

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee

**Are you sure you don't look like a drunk, on drugs, version of her? **

(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

**Because people are going to listen to you. **

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

**Into incest much?**

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

**I don't see how you are able to feed. Wouldn't you wither away? Maybe that is why you are stupid! Your Brain has mostly withered away.**

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

**Oh so you're a vampire and a witch? Then I am a Magical Fairy who is also a werewolf that eats the flesh of babies!**

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)

**No I thought you were a total prep **

and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic

**Thank you for ruining that store for everyone.**

and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

**So basically you looked like a striper attending Hogwarts. Guess even Hogwarts have people like that.**

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining

**So I am pretty sure that is called sleet. Am I wrong?**

so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

**You know when I was two I called that flicking someone off and I still use that term today. You should try it!**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….

**...=Total suspense builder!**

Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

**I wonder if Tom Felton ever read this and did a table flip and yelled "DRACO MALFOY IS NOT SHY IN THE LEAST!"**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

**You have friends? I am shocked and my hope for humanity has dropped.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz

**I wonder who taught her to say Fangz instead of thank you or thanks like a normal human being.**

2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

**Its called sleet hun.**

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony

**Big surprise.**

and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR

**Thanks for ruining them for me by the way.**

t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead,

**I have a question. What where you going to put on and then changed your mind about?**

I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**Okay Hogwarts has uniforms that you wear. Also thank you for ruining my combat boots for me.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)

**Why didn't you just tell her that instead of putting it in the story?**

woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

**I am guessing she has two eye lids. One is clear the other is not clear.**

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini,

**Black mini skirt? I am guessing that's what she meant.**

fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

**Are you surprised? I am. Totally in shock right her. -_-**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

**Okay if you wanted to play it cool you shouldn't of blushed.**

"Do you like Draco?"

**I am guessing since she blushed she does. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.**

she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

**You didn't have to yell at her. If I was her I would have hit you with a book or something close by me.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

**Ironic.**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

**Did you like bat your eyelashes and bite your lip while twirling a strand of your hair? Only way I can see that being flirty.**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

**Didn't need the periods. You could just put it in caps. I swear I feel sorry for your parents.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.


End file.
